Whether you have been married before or not, you will likely be very well aware of the fact that a truly successful marriage is a valuable thing today; something to be prized and treasured. After loving one another for so long and planning to spend your lives together, it might be inconceivable to either of [...]

Whether you have been married before or not, you will likely be very well aware of the fact that a truly successful marriage is a valuable thing today; something to be prized and treasured. After loving one another for so long and planning to spend your lives together, it might be inconceivable to either of you that one or both of you could ever lose that intense feeling. But, unfortunately, it remains true that the majority of marriages in the western world will end in divorce. So, what goes wrong?

Stress – this high-speed world is not for the timid. It leaves us tired, stressed and worried about our futures. Money matters, changing jobs, moving houses and the death of a close family member or friend are some of the most severe, stressful experiences that we face. And, sadly, they happen to almost every one of us. It is usually easier to take our sadness, rage or regret out on our beloved partner than to deal with it ourselves.

Unrealistic Expectations – we are all imperfect, and we might have allowed ourselves to become disillusioned when we discover that marriage is not quite what we had expected. In truth, we often expect to get more out of marriage (or any other relationship) than we are prepared to contribute. We may also exaggerate the faults of our spouse, while under-valuing our own. This is simply human nature.

Inadequate Communication – misunderstandings, verbal attacks, the inability (or unwillingness) to listen attentively and making a habit of arguing about anything and nothing are all indications of inadequate communication.

The Solution

Of course, any good advice is always easier said than done. But, implementing this is certain to make for a happier marriage, even if only one of you is making the effort at first.

• Treat and regard your union as being sacred and special. Your attitude towards your marriage and your compatibility can only be positive when your attitude towards the sanctity of marriage is positive.
• Converse with your spouse with genuine respect, even when you are not feeling peaceful inside. This takes their feelings and concerns into account and as being important to you, even if you do not agree with them.
• Be kind and compassionate towards one another. When your spouse is upset, a kind word will be like throwing refreshing water onto the ember, instead of fuelling it with nastiness to the point of a raging inferno. If your kindness is not sincere, it will across as sarcasm or patronisation.
• Be humble (the opposite of arrogant); it is far more rewarding than proving that you are right.
• Do not take offense too easily. Your partner needs to be the one who can be straight and honest with you. Listen to them and think about their feelings and opinions. Do not reply before you have had time to ponder over their points.
• It is sometimes best to keep quiet. You have to listen to and understand their side of the story, and this cannot be done when you are yelling back at them.
• Be faithful and loyal to your partner. This is not negotiable if you are wanting a happy, successful marriage.

When you need to discuss an issue, do the following:

1. Decide on a time together at which neither of you will be tired or distracted.
2. Try not to interrupt your partner when they are speaking, even if it is to defend yourself – wait until they are done.
3. Avoid criticising your spouse, and always try to approach matters from a positive perspective.
4. Acknowledge his or her feelings as being important to you.
5. Be as empathetic as possible.
6. Be accommodating and fair.
7. Apologise sincerely for your part in the problem.
8. Tell and show your spouse that you love and appreciate them.

Photo Credit: Aisle Dash