Hearing that an ex-girlfriend / -boyfriend / -wife / -husband is getting married can evoke some strong emotions in the best of us. We may feel genuine happiness for their good fortune, regret at our potential loss or utter bitterness. If you received a wedding invitation, there is a good chance that there remains a [...]

Hearing that an ex-girlfriend / -boyfriend / -wife / -husband is getting married can evoke some strong emotions in the best of us. We may feel genuine happiness for their good fortune, regret at our potential loss or utter bitterness.

If you received a wedding invitation, there is a good chance that there remains a fairly friendly vibe between you and your engaged ex. However, this does not necessarily mean that you do not still have some feelings for them or feel strongly about their getting married. Before responding to the invitation in any way, it is very important that you carefully consider how you really feel about your ex. If, after honest reflection and self-examination, you feel even slight twinges of being in love with the person or resenting them for past wrongs, do not even consider going to their wedding. Even if you feel that you will be able to contain your emotions, listening to heartfelt toasts and love songs coupled with champagne tends to inspire rather touching displays to which you do not need be witness.

Try to imagine the wedding day in advance. Picture your ex proclaiming his / her love for their new spouse, knowing that they mean it. Do not imagine that he / she will never love someone else as much as they loved you, and never foster feelings that you will not find someone like them again. These emotions are brought on by the feelings involved in accepting that an ex has moved on. They are not based on reality or reasoning. Picturing the day gives you the opportunity to deal with what will happen before trying to manage your raw emotions in a room full of happy people.

Do not, at any point prior to the wedding, bring up the past or your relationship with your ex. Regardless of how your relationship ended, it took a great deal of thinking and understanding from your ex’s future spouse to invite you to their wedding. You do not want to use this opportunity to bring up the past, which may hurt or anger them. Do not contact your ex before their wedding, even if it is to inform them of a new child or job. They will be very busy planning their big day and you will have the chance to chat to them at the reception. The only contact you should have with them before the wedding is a simple, direct RSVP to the invitation.

At the ceremony and reception, just try to be yourself. Your ex likely knows you well enough to know when you are being insincere. Rather, be genuinely happy. Otherwise, you may create an awkward, tense atmosphere. Try to attend the wedding with a good friend if you are not in a relationship. Your friend should know the context of your relationship with the bride or groom and accept it. Do not show up at the wedding without a date or partner, even if it is your friend. You may need emotional support, even if you are over your ex. In addition, it may give the wrong impression to others if you sit at the wedding alone.

Congratulate the bridal couple briefly, but sincerely, at the reception. Do not reminisce about the past or make snide remarks. .

Give them a small, high-quality gift.

If you feel that you simply cannot attend the wedding without being emotional or resentful, send the couple a card and a gift voucher and express your sincere joy at their finding love and happiness. Keep your note brief and simple to avoid it being misunderstood or read into.

By acting in this way, you will preserve your own dignity, and also allow your ex the peace and happiness that they deserve on their wedding day.

Photo Credit: TN Valley brides