Jealousy is one of the less rational of human emotions. It can be hurtful and aggravating, but is not often logical. People can even feel jealous about something that they would not ordinarily want. An engagement for marriage, whether it is yours or that of someone else, can lead to different degrees of jealousy. If [...]

Jealousy is one of the less rational of human emotions. It can be hurtful and aggravating, but is not often logical. People can even feel jealous about something that they would not ordinarily want. An engagement for marriage, whether it is yours or that of someone else, can lead to different degrees of jealousy.

If you are experiencing jealous feelings about the engagement of one of your friends, there are some important things that you should remember:

• Jealousy is a selfish sentiment. Rather than making you feel worse, realising this should help you to put your feelings into clear perspective. Your feelings come from inside yourself, not something that your friend has done to you. Therefore, it should not affect the way you treat them or feel about them. It is vital that you deal with your jealousy without involving your friend.
• Deal with the issue at hand. Jealousy is corrosive, and will leave you feeling drained. Be frank with yourself and tackle the problem for once and for all. Find out why you are jealous and deal with that issue (e.g. you are frustrated with being single). The root cause is personal and needs to be treated by you to give you personal and emotional freedom.
• You can turn jealousy into a positive motivation. Let it push you into making your life be more in line with how you want it. Recognise the positive element of the jealous emotion– such as the possibility that this emotion has made you aware of a need that you had been ignoring, for example.

If you are the one that has a jealous friend, try the following:

• Remember that their feelings are about them. It is not about you, and it does not mean that you are a bad friend.
• Acknowledge that your friend is jealous and try to be a bit more sensitive to their feelings. This does not mean, however, that you have to keep your excitement or plans a secret from them. Simply acknowledge their feelings so that they know that they are important to you.
• Balance your conversation. Stay interested in what your friends are doing and how they are feeling amidst your excitement for the big day. Their lives are just as important as yours is.
• Talk to your jealous friend about the matter. If they avoid the conversation, wait until they have made a relevant remark, and then be very gentle when asking them what they meant by it. This gives your friend the opportunity to speak to you and feel that you really are concerned about their feelings. If they still do not open up to you, try to broach the subject by saying something like, “I know I’m talking about the wedding plans a lot, but I am just so excited. I really appreciate your feedback”.
• Tell him or her how special they are to you, thank them for their good ideas and commend their personal strengths. This will make them more excited for you and eager to share their time and ideas.
• Talk to them about your own doubts and feelings of inadequacy. Go to them for help and advice, so that they know that your life is not as perfect as it may seem at this exciting time. This will also reassure them that you still need their friendship and love.

Photo Credit: Ask Men